Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
