she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
