i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
