Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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