Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
