tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
