how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
