im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
