I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
