You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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