If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
