So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
