We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The air was thick with penises
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
