Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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