It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
