im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
