I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
