You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
