what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
