3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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