I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
