you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
