Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
