he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
