Will you blow on my dice?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
