I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
