Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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