tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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