i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
