Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
