While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
