you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
