i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
