Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
