Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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