ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sext me about skeletons
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
