He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
