I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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