She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
