i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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