you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
