theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
