So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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