went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We had to coat check the pizza.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
