then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
