I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The Olympian is in my bed
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
