does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
