If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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