I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
