so explain again why im purple
no
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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